SHADOW

as the shadow lit the colors around, as it revealed the form of a picture.

We watched the sun went down together. Suddenly became paralysed by its warmth. He said nothing, me neither. Sank in deep thoughts and tough, drowned into a heaped of past and lasts.

…and I started to count, very softly through my breath, as the light slowly went down, showing the shape of the island which was hiding beneath.

1, 2, 3 ….

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Corona Del Mar, California

 

“Tak ada satu hal pun tanpa bayang-bayang, kecuali terang itu sendiri.”
— Pramoedya Ananta Toer, Child of All Nations.

Some say dark is the most beautiful thing, some also fear to be left by the light. Frightened, insecurity, sorrow—they live in the darkness, with the shadow shrouds their back, haunts them like the Angel of Death.

It is sad, for some people. But there is always a good thing.

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DAY 1: “Hauʻoli Loa”

Menanti sambutan hangat dari sang mentari.

The girl beside me kept reading the Goblet of Fire—or maybe The Deathly Hallows, tried to be patient while she was separated with her boyfriend which was sitting at another row. Of course, I was pleased, since mine sat right next to me, tried to keep him busy by taking each turns to read Time Magazine or The Economist. Sometimes he got frustrated and whispered to himself, about how worried he was of the future of The United States after the election was over.

Me, oh, please do not ask. I was stuck in the middle from those intelligent people and decided to kill the time, watched some silly movies, including Big Hero and The Secret Life of Pets. Seven more minutes, until the sign of ‘fasten the seat belt’ turned on, I saw the green land from the small window next to that girl.

Here we arrived, at the place where we’ve dreamed about, where we’ve always anticipated it every single day.

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Ko’a Kea Hotel and Resort, Poi’pu Beach, Kauia, Hawaii

I took almost 50 photos every day. 5% I’ve shared it to the social media, 50% I sent them to my parents, and for the rest, I kept it in my memory.

It was nice, for sure, to meet those beauties of nature and all the greens that I love. Just like how I pictured Indonesia in my mind, this place reminded me of home, similar but much more organized. Nothing to tell much since I could not describe it as my eyes shut—to travel back at that time. It is just all about the beauty; green mountains, blue ocean, violet of the sunset and the sky, even the sculpture of the shadows from the buildings nearby.

Day one, we let us to release our excitement by covering our feet with the sand. It was almost dark, but still pretty, just like one of Bob Ross’s painting, everything was just like an art.

That was what we’ve expected, and what we deserved to.

This post is also published as part of participation of Daily Post Photo’s Challenge “Anticipation” : An image of something you hope to have one day, or something that was worth the wait.

NOSTALGIA

Tiap kali kutilik layar itu, rasanya seperti kehidupan yang lalu, jauh sebelum kuingat lagi kapan terakhir kali kusentuh dengan ujung jemariku sendiri.

Kutundukkan kepala, mendesah beribu kali menandingi sepoi angin yang berlalu-lalang. Seharusnya aku berucap syukur, bukannya mengobar hati dengan segala rindu yang selalu menusuk-nusuk kepalaku.

Dan, salahkan aku karena hingga saat ini aku belum sepenuhnya menolak untuk menoleh ke balik bahuku. Mungkin ia tak ingin ditinggalkan, mungkin ia tak ingin kutinggalkan.

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Sengaja kusembunyikan seluruh jemariku di dalam saku, melindungi kuku-kuku kecilku dari udara musim gugur yang mulai menyatu dengan dingin dari utara. Kereta berikutnya belum juga berada dalam jangkauan, maka kuhabiskan waktuku dengan mengetuk-ngetuk hak sepatu di atas lapisan porselin berkualitas—sementara kubiarkan bangku kosong di belakangku dihuni oleh ibu tua berambut pirang bersama affenpinscher yang masih terbilang muda.

Seolah berada di antara tiang-tiang Patron 3/4, ada semacam koneksi yang menjembataniku dengan Stasiun Jakarta

Tidak, aku tidak sedang berada di Stasiun Jakarta. Tempat ini jauh lebih indah dan tertata dibandingkan dengan hiruk-pikuk di sana. Hanya saja—dan lagi-lagi—bayangan kegilaan di sudut ibukota itu selalu membuatku merenung, betapa kurindukan berbagai bising yang menyatu dengan segala keunikan itu dan memaksaku untuk menyebut nama-nama mereka yang kutinggalkan di sana dalam bisikan.

Masih kuingat senja itu, saat kulewatkan sore berawan bersama seorang gadis yang hanya terpaut beberapa tahun denganku, yang selalu kusebut sebagai teman dan musuhku, yang selalu kusebut sebagai adik tersayangku. Kami beradu tawa, terbahak hingga para insani mendelik tajam, saling merangkul diri seolah ia dan diriku merupakan satu jiwa, bahkan melontarkan seratus makian yang tak pantas didengar balita.

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HERE AND NOW

True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future

Allow me to recall our secret talk a long ago…

You said wherever I go, those dark clouds would still remain the same; trailing behind, showing their true color without fear to fade. You said wherever I hide, the breath of sadness would still be running towards; looking for a small slit to whisper the mournful song in to my ears, to break me in pieces. And again, again and again, you kept telling me wherever I stay, it would be still that way—it scared me ’til I forgot how to move aside.

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“Living the blue, pervading the sun, listen to the peace that slowly alighted along the breeze.”

I did go. I did hide. But look around me now. Can you see the sun is slapping the back of my head? To burn it into an extent that the bright blue over there is waiting for me to jump on? Can you hear the waves starving itself? To wake me up that the era is already done? The era where the clouds have been dispersed by the warmth of Maya’s absolute God?

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HE IS COMING

I do not understand why he’d come now. I knew he has been trying to reach me for a long time―just to ask my name.

Again, I felt the same pulse.

It thumped me up, right on my chest, stronger than before, as if a throng of timpanists clashed the drums and create a battle among themselves. I always ignored it until the beat of ordinary turned to be frenetic, perpetual sound. Restless, unease, they shrouded myself in anxiety. Something’s missing in me since the dreadful ordeal took them away, both who I loved―mom and dad. Something dark; something hollow; which began to harass inside my head and distracted my consciousness. And I haven’t figured it out. Not yet.

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“Your sins won’t simply be vanished by sipping a cup of coffee.”

The voice was right in front of me. I looked up, raised my chin to find a man with his dark-shiny hair, sat in peace without worrying me to scream at any time―or slap his beautiful face with hot water.

“Your name?” he asked while tilting his head.

We examined each other by looking into our eyes. His were dark, very dark, as if no mercy in it.

The dim light in the corner of the room made his brown skin as black as his thick jacket. I saw Bob was too happy making a cup of coffee in the bar and no one seemed to realize his presence here.

“Your name―or I’m going to storm this place in one second,” he spoke as if he was threatening me.

I shook my head, gave him a glance of smirk, “Are you trying to be funny?”

“Am I?” The way he looked at me was hideous. His long fingers kept tapping on the table. It only took a few seconds for me to obey. He was impatient and I was a lone.

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